mirrors and dreams

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Dear 18-year-old Self

Avoid depression by regularly releasing all of the hurts and pains, and then make affirmations and fix your eyes on these goals and stay optimistic. It’s a tough battle, a hard uphill climb, but your fortitude will save you an entire decade of nothingness. This is a practice that you must perform and maintain regularly, just like how people like to go to church every Sunday.

You must learn, as young as you are, to let go of any beloved man, who does not make efforts to share beautiful days with you. Attraction is not truth. The sensation of fatedness has no spiritual basis. Your feelings matter only when his virtues support you. Love is defined and determined by virtues. Not attraction, not (your) inspiration. You can have all these but virtues come first, and without this, the connection is 100% a fluke.

Do not put all eggs in one basket, when dating. Avoid getting attached to anyone unless they have offered commitment. And commitment is perfectly synchronized, harmonious ways of being.

Life and relationships are all about Discovery. Enjoy every new sights and ideas and feeling.

Never identify with “lack.” Never act from a space of need.

You are creative, you share joy. You participate only in relationships of mutual empowerment.


I now have three new work pants, all bright blues; and two new work tops, black and medium rose. I can wear the black top with the blues. I hope to find white work pants to pair with the rose top. White undershirts too for all of them. 💖💖💖

keep it simple 🌞

if bored, just add fun accessories. 💫



I feel sad that my best colors are Katy Perry colors (which looks weird on her), even though I like the gothic look. And got used to monochromatic look.

Thoughts on the OOTD

  • You never realize how dumpy you look until you document every outfit, every day. Just because you love the clothes or feel comfortable in them, don’t mean you look alright.
  • The Sailormoon print shirt made me happy but it was in the wrong colors (Bright Spring), wrong shape (square).
  • I looked better in plain sweater (even though it was Soft Summer color), this might imply I have CLASSIC essence, which means “Less Is More” applies to me.
  • I have a resting bitch face. Is this a DRAMATIC look?
  • I need to get a new set of work clothes: less dumpy, and in the right colors.
  • Yes, plain clothes with no prints make me look sane. Gotta keep that in mind. Experiment with textures instead. It is agreeable.


I broke my no-shopping rule. I went to the thrift store and bought a sequined top, a sequined dress, and a beaded sheer dress overlay. The latter looks fine except for a few missing beads which I’m going to replace with brighter beads anyway. The sequined bandeau top might be too muted for me, but a BW circus color blazer can fix it. Ditto for the uber-glam and too-dramatic-for-me black sequined dress.

Help me be disciplined and NOT shop at all until I’ve figured out my ideal pieces. I have to tell myself that the world will not end, and I am not gonna die if I let one sweet piece slip away.


Brainstorming for Makeover

These are the colors in which I look normal.


Here I gather all the ideas that I will explore and expand on.



for the next two weeks I am taking an OOTD pic every day to capture the status quo; currently not happy at all with my cringeworthy comfort-over-everything-else “style.” In a nutshell, I SETTLED. That’s all I did.

Around 2013-2014 my friends asked me to please wear makeup and dress more sharply like I used to; they didn’t like my new look which I felt was more “toned down and relaxed.” I had been undergoing big changes – total heartbreak leading to near-death which manifested as reduced vitality, new eating habits, new philosophies, new priorities… Not to mention financial difficulties as well.

Color schemes changed from bright or intense to pale and muted. Structure from sexy to ghostly… Eh whatever… Hmm

Now I’m just wearing “functional” clothes like shirt and joggers, that don’t reflect my physique at all.

first part of wardrobe detox is documenting the status quo:

• OOTD for two weeks

• go through my closet and dump the clothes that don’t wear the Bright Winter colors. but first I will probably take pics of the favorites being worn by me, and note what I liked about each, in spite of the wrong colors. Every good detail will be recorded for later use – might be clues for building the new wardrobe.

Taking place for the next two weeks. After which on May 6, a new style class begins. I’d be lucky to be enrolled.



– I don’t want to wear bright all over, I scared myself at my friends’ wedding 😱 …

– neutrals: white, black, gray, navy

– accents: ultramarine, scarlet, emerald, fuchsia

– think about: dark colors, icy colors

– what looks “natural” or “relaxed”



– white button downs and white skirt

– white/blue stripe and navy skirt, silver heels, navy sweater, beret hat

– colorful skirts



– reserve black tie

– reserve white tie

– cocktail dresses

– semi casual and casual

– work uniform



– Dramatic

– Ingenue

– Romantic



tuesday last week, i got a professional color draping session — my season is bright winter, which means i dazzle in bright shocking colors 😳

tonight, i swatched all my nail polish: wrote down each color’s brand and color name, and painted little squares beside them. Out of 38 items, I kept 18 and stashed away the rest to give away to friends.


I just finished swatching my eye liners, pictured above(?). Out of 18 sticks, I kept 7. The rest I organized with the nail colors, according to their general seasons.

I’m keeping the Bright Winter makeup. There is a Soft Autumn lipliner that I’m not throwing out because it makes my lips look like Kylie Jenner’s 😂 and I can wear it for a “no makeup look.” Same for an Autumn eyeliner too. Autumn begins to fail me in clothes though. I’d look aged and blurred haha.

I have a black eyeliner, a nice navy one, and a mint green. A couple of charcoal too. The cobalt blue gel is surprising 😊 Not sure where when and how I’ll wear it, but it surprisingly didn’t turn green on my olive skin. I guess correct colors don’t change when you apply them.

Now I’m going to swatch lipsticks.

The answer my friend lies in the fact that women are tuned to be attracted to not just looks but MEN, not boys. 
What do I mean by that ?

You become a man, when, you are in control of your emotions .

You become a man, when, you develop the confidence to not be offended by stupid things and be emotionally swayed by your needs.
You become a man, when, you acquire the patience to listen to your woman talk.

You become a man, when, you dont expect your woman to take care of you.

You become a man, when, your absence makes your woman think of you all the time.

You become a man, when, you dont have to curse and raise your voice in order to be heard.
You become a man, when, you dont feel threatened by other men and stop being insecure about yourself.
You become man, when, you can get hit hard by life, and still stay focused on your vision and dreams.
You become a man, when, you develop the empathy to shed a tear at another mans misery.
You become a man, when, you can hangout with the homeless, play with the disabled, cheer up little kids and hangout with old people without ever feeling that youre doing this out of pity and sympathy.
You become a man, when, you can laugh at yourself and not care.
You become a man, when, you know when to draw the line and give up in an argument without making it a fight.
Women like, style, charisma, well groomed, good smelling and clean men. These things need to be baked into your lifestyle and daily routine. 
Start practicing, because time is running out and your chance of attracting your dream woman is also getting slimmer. 

Let me give you a grasp of the Philippines’ situation today:
1st off: 91% of filipinos support our President. He is the last incorruptible politician here in the Philippines that’s why he won. You wouldn’t know because you foreigners don’t know this man. He won under the promise of cleaning the country of drugs and corruption.
2nd: the VP and some Senators won last election under the banner of the previous administration. They used the gov’t, drug money and foreign aid for typhoon haiyan as campaign funds.
3rd: they are trying to discredit our President so that he can be succeeded by the VP so they can continue their corruption. They are buying our corrupt media to relay it internationally to give him a bad reputation.
4th: the oligarchic corporations, both local and foreign, that own mainstream media have vested interests in mining our natural resources, which they continued unhampered during the previous administration, are being hit economically due to our president’s hard stance on mining. Some are even on the drug syndicates’ payroll.
5th: the EJK issue is not being reported correctly. The corrupt media says 2,000+ have died because of the war but the reality is that only 700+ are killed in the operations. The rest are either the gangs and corrupt officials killing their subordinates to prevent rats. Other deaths are not even drug related. What is funny is that the senator leading the EJK investigation is part of the drug trade.
6th: why do we know this? Because the people are the ones living in the streets. They know who are the addicts and peddlers in their areas. The government just needs to consolidate these information and run the revalidation on the 678,000 (and counting) drug surrenderees. The people in the list will be asked to surrender and change their ways. If they instead chose to fight it out, definitely they will be killed because the police has to protect themselves.
Conclusion: cut the crap! The one BBC aired is a fake assassin, the one in the NYTimes newspaper was killed by the peddlers and not by the police, and the woman interviewed by the 60-minutes Australia is in cohorts with the corrupt politicians. We have a no-nonsense leader so please look at the reality and not fabricated news!

Do not love half lovers
Do not love half lovers

Do not entertain half friends

Do not indulge in works of the half talented

Do not live half a life and do not die a half death

If you choose silence, then be silent

When you speak, do so until you are finished

Do not silence yourself to say something

And do not speak to be silent

If you accept, then express it bluntly

Do not mask it

If you refuse then be clear about it

for an ambiguous refusal

is but a weak acceptance

Do not accept half a solution

Do not believe half truths

Do not dream half a dream

Do not fantasize about half hopes

Half a drink will not quench your thirst

Half a meal will not satiate your hunger

Half the way will get you no where

Half an idea will bear you no results

Your other half is not the one you love

It is you in another time yet in the same space

It is you when you are not

Half a life is a life you didn’t live,

A word you have not said

A smile you postponed

A love you have not had

A friendship you did not know

To reach and not arrive

Work and not work

Attend only to be absent

What makes you a stranger to them closest to you

and they strangers to you

The half is a mere moment of inability

but you are able for you are not half a being

You are a whole that exists

to live a life not half a life
– Kahlil Gibran
사진_칼릴 지브란

What Color Am I? 

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