mirrors and dreams

Category: Health & Fitness

Now i know what to say when asked, “how do u look so ridiculously young for your age? what’s your secret?”

I used to be stumped, holding in what i know to be true, thinking twice-thrice-plus about relaying complex ideas such as: “my merkaba is active. Aging is caused by ‘metatronic compaction,’ a lack of access to frequencies beyond the incarnate plane… i am able to override or at least delay the process because i have achieved by age 14 soul integration, meaning, i am sustained not just by 3D bread alone, but also by energy itself, from the soul matrix…. besides, what is time but an illusion?”

do you think the average american would immediately grasp that?

I should not be underestimating my inquirers’ intelligence. I realize this is a maladaptive schema from growing up under care of stubborn adults who hated having to listen to anyone that isnt them…

But anyway, i assume that short concise responses are the best — the more direct, and less confusing, the better… and the spiritual science info i had given earlier, seem complicated, leading from one question to another, and ive been a lazy student, so i fear not being able to provide the most coherent picture…

Well. My perfect answer, i realized today is like poetry:

“i have not aged because i have seen eternity.”

๐Ÿ™‚ True story. consider that aging and time are closely related. And that eternity is beyond time and space. If you could dive into that pool, you’re good. Anchor in eternity….


Printable List of Monsanto Owned โ€œFoodโ€ Producers | True Activist






Printable List of Monsanto Owned โ€œFoodโ€ Producers | True Activist.

On Depression, Relationships

Depression, to some, is a ruthless captor: one seems to have no freedom over it. It’s not a *CHOICE,* it’s a concrete state of being. I don’t mean to downplay the gravity of this condition. I think my depression is caused by situations and environments, so perhaps I do have a great chance to overcome it without pills or medical assistance — so God help those whom the *allopathic* medical industry diagnoses as “clinically” depressed.

I’ve been depressed for most of my life; I haven’t sought treatment for it because I distrust synthetic medical PILLS, and I would rather drown in the black emptiness and despair than tax my liver. I figured that if I was sick, my body must have been having a hard time, so why give it one more task of filtering the useless components of placebos and pain relievers?

In the past two weeks, I have discovered more of myself — it must have been the energies from the next world ๐Ÿ˜œ — making an impact on my “emotional aspect”… Or a sequence of events that caused me to FINALLY observe how I’ve been treating relationships, especially the spiritual aspects. Is it related to depression? Well, in my case, relationships & depression are linked through the exchange (or absence of) of love (energy) – how balanced, or absent (and sometimes, we perceive lack of love when there’s plenty because of our personal filters and expectations)… A sense of belonging…

So anyway. I have been making conscious effort to reach out to friends and family, from whom I’ve felt rather alienated all these years — and the cause of this feeling of “You Don’t See Me” is: differing VALUES and BELIEFS: (a) I preferred art & concerts & hobbies over TV & shopping malls; (b) naturopathy over allopathic medicine; (c) integral/holistic spiritual system over mere religion/atheism; (d) creative entrepreneurship over 9-5 prole life;… These differences playing out during interactions, cause internal pressure (stress),… feeling of having to be “on guard,” lest I say something offensive…

So. I guess I’ve just grown old enough, I’m 30 ๐Ÿ˜ฎ — honestly, I’m not a good child of Saturn — as I’ve said, I hardly know myself because I’d been depressed, I haven’t been able to act on my dreams, it seems that obstacles were all over the place, and it didn’t help that I liked things easy, I had social anxiety (due to being different — I don’t know WTF could make people happy, they don’t seem to care about my vision, etc), I felt misplaced, didn’t have the right connections, didn’t have enough resources, etc. Maybe a stronger character will say that these are mere excuses. Ok! Not gonna argue, my heart is too weak to argue, and honestly, all my life I’ve been BLOCKED from speaking for myself, which is yet again another basis for insecurity, which of course fuels depression, etc…

But these days I seem to have acquired the STRENGTH to move past these, to reverse depression — it takes DISCIPLINE, over my habits — mental and emotional. Several weeks ago, I’d read from a forum, a comment by a Buddhist stating that depression is the opposite of “virtue” — I’m sorry that I couldn’t remember his exact terminologies, but this is how I understood it. Depression denotes lack of virtue, somehow. So I thought, I would challenge myself to grow past that condition. Because I really am not getting anything out of it anyway.

It’s been slow, but hey, little strokes fell great oaks. First, I made a habit of listening to music that has uplifting vibes, like Vivaldi’s concertos; or lyrics that I related with (“Strange“)…

I tried my best to avoid negative thoughts. ๐Ÿ˜Š Good job. But some “thoughts” are not CONSCIOUS, some are unconscious, driving my moods and actions, etc… This is really the hard part… Sometimes, other people help us identify these snags in the system.

Astrology, well. My karmic challenge has been identified: I am to learn to embrace intimacy (NN 8th houses) and share what I’ve learned (nodal axis Gem/Sag). And then Chiron (service) is Gemini 7th house. I’ve read that I must learn to manage “how I come across” to people — meaning. Although I am not a brute, I do have to learn to make people feel comfortable. You know. Yeah I don’t feel comfortable around “sleepers” but hey, it is not their job to make me feel comfortable. It would be nice yeah, but I’ve released expectations….. It is not about them anymore, it’s about MY OWN GROWTH, as a person… ๐Ÿ˜Š So this is a big factor in my healing…

And then, there’s a video of a workshop on “Sacred Sexuality” that I had sampled. It basically stated that: sexuality and emotions are connected to the elemental kingdoms, and these elements are ALIVE, and can be communicated with. It reminded me of what I lost — an active connection to God and Earth. I had active “elemental command” many years ago, which I had decided to abandon and doubt and deny… but it was an intrinsic part of me. Maybe this is what caused my depression too. So now I am learning to reconnect, and reassemble my elemental command.

Finally,… tonight, I’d read an article about Suicide and Depression, by the herbalist whom I considered a role model. He basically insinuated that depression is a symptom of spiritual laziness. So… I’m just totally fired up for healing now, hahah! I don’t want my hero to look down on me. ๐Ÿ˜›

So. For now I’m just gonna tell my elemental force to please, reassemble the patterns – no more depression, I want more inspiration, and fuel to rise higher. THANK YOU.

Summer Plans


A regular summer day for me:

Riding my bike for 8 miles to the park, where I’d spend the day meditating and writing. My yellow “Andy Warhol” canvas bag contains a picnic blanket, wholesome food (vegan salad for lunch, 8-oz nutria-smoothie, protein bar, nuts, dried fruit, 16-oz bottled tea, 32-oz bottled water), a sweater (in case I feel uncomfortable with the breeze), a long skirt or dress.ย Perhaps I should bring a camera along; I feel as if I’m losing precious seconds as I swipe through the smartphone’s menu to find the Camera app.

On my transit, I take photos of stunning moments in the friendly parks that I pass by. Granted, it’s not a hardcore exercise but at least I get my body moving, and I’m breathing fresh air. This is phase one of my exercise routine — just get moving, everyday.

At the park, after I have meditated in the morning, and eaten my lunch, I have the option to take a two-mile hike at the nature center, or run around the park. I’m not too eager to do the latter, so we might expect photos from the hike. Nature is my favorite subject in my photographs. (As well as in my poetry, way back in high school.)

I’m a little apprehensive about my plans for meditating. I get so distracted by the beauty and freshness of the park — I could just take photos all day, experimenting with various angles and degrees of light; or I could just lay down on the grass and gaze at the leaves, listening to the wind’s song, smiling as the sunlight moves across my skin. And I could do this ALL DAY. I am normally this blissed-out, all the time. My whole life could be in shambles, but, alone, in nature, everything else fades away. I’m not sure if this is a good thing. Despite some of my friends’ quests for “transcending the illusion of material world,” I am convinced that it isn’t healthy for me, at least at this stage.

So, did I have specific meditation techniques to complete? My first goal, I suppose, is to find my real Presence, and “WILL.” Presence, meaning, my “I”-ness, which I have to strengthen, as I have grown up rather self-effacing or self-abnegating. And then, to fix my attention problem, develop Focus. I will have to continue meditations using Visualizations. Eventually I will want get to the point where I can feel my subtle body and energetic anatomy.
With writing, what did I hope to accomplish? Well, first of all, I have a list of cognitive biases, and I wish to reduce my tendencies towards these, if possible. That will be one of my subjects. And then, I wish to learn to write creatively – I’m not even sure how to start. I just want to come up with something. Learn alternative means of expression, to learn to deliver my message correctly, to demonstrate a complex idea in pictures and feelings… etc.

So. I hope to make the most of this summer. Yeah.