mirrors and dreams

Category: Psychology

Preliminary Research on Crowley

Yesterday, I learned a bit about the history of the Golden Dawn. I’m still wondering how this system is connected to Zeta-Rigelians. Maybe “the secret chiefs” were the Zetas, if they weren’t actually fictional?

Other groups, traditions, or events listed as being connected with Zetas are: Enochian Watchtowers; Thule Society; Black Sun; Montauk Project; Philadelphia Experiment.

I’m doing research to see if this claim actually adds up.

The following is an excerpt from an occultism-debunking site that I find to be amusing, albeit it holds the generalization that occultists are sociopathic… Having had to research on Dark Triad and Psychological Manipulation, I am willing to consider that idea.



The founder of the Thelema occult religion, and connected directly or indirectly to just about every occult group or movement around today, from the The Church of Satan, the AMORC, Wicca and even the Church of Scientology . Crowley started out in life as a wealthy heir to Crowley Ale. Despite all his voluminous writings that blather about the importance of developing the will, he squandered his fortune away on drugs and prostitutes.

Crowley did some incredibly strange things during his career, to put it mildly, including defecating on hotel carpets because he thought his feces was sacred, molested children, sharpened his teeth to make fangs, ate feces, put food and dead birds on a skeleton in attempt to reanimate it (all it did was make a mess) and identified with the Anti-Christ. His followers are willing to overlook such behavior, thinking somehow it was due to being in contact with the mystical forces. But there is actually a much more mundane explanation for Crowley’s behavior.

Crowley Apparently suffered minor brain damage from an explosion on Guy Fawkes night when he was 14. In an explosion resulting from a “homemade firework” (a glass jar with two pounds of gunpowder), young Crowley was knocked unconscious. He remained in a coma for four days, and had to keep a blindfold on for two weeks for fear he’d go blind. His family noticed a change in his personality after this accident. This accident probably made him psychotic, because psychosis can be cause by brain damage, and Crowley certainly exhibited psychotic behavior throughout his life. In addition to things mentioned, he would claim to be a Scottish Laird, a Russian Count, an Egyptian Prince, claim to have a medical degree when he didn’t, and once opened a “magickal restaurant” featuring pills made with his own semen as an ingredient (yuck!).

Click here to read more…

That’s from the atheistic point of view.

I found an “esoteric” point of view, and here is some of it, from Lisa Renee (Energetic Synthesis).

According to remote session intelligence collected and Guardian mentorship, Aleister Crowley is a key figure in cooperating with the NAA, starting from Grey Alien contact made in Cairo, Egypt in April 1904. They scribed and implanted him with “Book of the Law” which is the central sacred text of Thelema, written down from dictation mostly by Aleister Crowley, although his wife, Rose Edith Crowley and the entities themselves are known to have written phrases into the manuscript of the Book after its dictation.

Click here to read more…

Of course I realize that this second site has a lot of wild claims that sound paranoid and outlandish. But I guess that’s the occult for you.


In the title, I say “preliminary” because deep research involves actually reading Crowley’s works,  preferably all of his books; researching the history of the times he lived in — sociopolitical conditions, etc;

…and I simply don’t have enough time for that. I’ve got other stuff to do, you know.



A friend has re-awakened within me the Living Poetry, by giving me a little butterfly whom I named Ya-Seph’-ah the Air-Bender. Ya-Seph’-ah, taken from the tradition of Keylontic Science, refers to Cloister Air Command, Virtues associated with it are:
-> (3) O-Ma’-TU – Zha’” ]Integrity ]Sincerity, Honesty, Dignity, Respect ]
-> (7) Sa-YeN’ – [“MOW] –  [ Communication ] – [ Reserve, Economy of Speech, Deep Listening, Articulation ]
-> (11) WhŪ-Yuan – [ “too” ] – [ Passion, including, but not limited to, sexual ] – [ Cleanliness, Sobriety, Restraint (self-control), Discretion ] 

While I’m on the topic of Virtues, there are corresponding Attitudes, Responsibilities, and Victories for each.

(3) O-Ma’-TU: Integrity – Gratitude (reversed: Hypocrisy) – Self-Containment (reversed: Pretension) – Humility
(7) Sa-YeN’: Communication – Accountability (reversed: Concealment) – Appreciation (reversed: Suppression) – Expression
(11) WhŪ-Yuan: Passion – Engaged Detachment (reversed: Indifference) – Cooperation/Diplomacy (Apathy) – Zeal

The 13th Virtue and its corresponding Attitude – Responsibility – Victory:

(13) Yhu-MEI-ZUN: “Aah” ] – [ Enlightenment ] – [ Grace, Eloquence, Patience, Humility ]
(13) Yhu-MEI-ZUN: Enlightenment – Authenticity (reversed: Prejudice) – Altruism (reversed: Ignorance) – Wisdom

Healing myself to allow for embodiment and expression of these Virtues shall be my personal goals for the next two months.

Ever Tell Yourself Youre In Love With A Deeply Difficult Person Instead Of Facing The Truth?


This is why I left my previous relationships. Saw the signs:
– love bombing
– intermittent reward/punishment
– intimidation, shaming, bullying
– switching schedules

So lucky to have detected it in the third week of the “relationship.” After all, in the past year, my spirit-science classmates have been advised by the “angels” to research the Dark Triad Personalities (narcissist, psychopath, machiavellian), co-dependency, and psychological warfare techniques.

Even though I have not experienced a 100% loving relationship, at least I know a red flag when I see one.



Ever Tell Yourself Youre In Love With A Deeply Difficult Person Instead Of Facing The Truth?.



The Ho Test – Why and How Men Test the Women They Date part 2

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Read for more: The Ho Test – Why and How Men Test the Women They Date part 2.

 Personal favorite comment: 

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What are your thoughts on “Ho Tests”? 



The smell of fear

Burning your hips and base of spine
Freezing your thighs so you can’t move
Heaviness in your guts
And you can’t breathe
Shoulders tense and heart skips
A hundred beats at once
Where are you?
Lost in a maze of darkness
Imaginary or real
Inhale and hold your breath
You’re alright,  the nightmare’s far away,
But your heart is burning black
Eyes like deer in headlights
Scapegoat frozen in sight
He had a knife in his car
You saw a rusty shovel the first time
It could’ve been his painting
Or you couldve been his dark art
Preserved sculpture upon his walls
Mortal enemy, falsely beloved
Crowning glory of his mission
Crucifixion of innocence
Sacrifice for fame
For a monster that he conceals
Yet undeniably reveals

Text chat:

Me: “if we do it right, we can touch God.”
Him: “Touch god how?”
Me: “slip into dreamstate and shoot for the stars”

And then silence.

So yes, the question is, I’m wondering what he is thinking. Is he opposed to it? Appalled? Is it against his beliefs? Or has he thought of it before? Surprised?

…. o.O ….

Romantic Tragedy

What’s the real story of King Richard III?

While Shakespeare’s play (possibly inspired by Machiavelli?) provides the popular concept of this monarch, the Richard III Society claims that he has been unfairly misrepresented. He might not have been as evil as “Tudor propaganda” may have us believe…

What do you think about Richard III?…

With the benefits of time and distance, I now am able to review with less emotional subjectivity about that crappy reunion with ex

I still don’t want him back… just been completely turned off by his behavior… (he has mars square pluto; moon conjunct saturn square pluto)…..

The main cause for me falling out with him has nothing to do with gender/sexual preferences although he might think it is……. but I am thinking about this tonight.

I have always been clear that I am attracted to Masculine energy —-
The ENERGY beyond the form —- so, I’ve found myself attracted to masculine energy in male physical body, and masculine energy in female physical body.

I’ve found myself attracted to feminine forms under special circumstances. .. often it is aesthetic appreciation, much like how you appreciate anything of beauty… but the same happens with masculine too….

Emotional fascination that carries romantic potential (romantic, not sexual)…. for feminine in female body… I have experienced very rarely, maybe once or twice…. three, max… never actually fantasized or dwelled on it… usually happens with women who embody ethereal energy… I would imagine they’re appealing to all, actually…..

I’m generally not attracted to feminine in female bodies…. but am intrigued by feminine in male bodies (gay attracted to males) — I feel like I’m on their side, we’re sisters,… some of them seem more real persons than the typical female?…. maybe because the average brainwashed female expresses distorted feminine?….

Feminine in male body, expressing as male, attracting females…. they’re very appealing for the romance factor ^_^ probably will be like fairy tales and walking into dream…. I don’t know 🙂 how does this express in males???


As for relationships… I have nothing against polyamory although I prefer monogamy. … like, I won’t stop people from pursuing polyamory… I probably will participate in a polyamorous setting if the conditions are right…. however in a marriage, especially if kids are present, I would have to decline it.

Just saying that as, to get out of the relationship quickly, I had cited preference for monogamy….

But really the reason is his obnoxious behavior… which I couldn’t point out to him because I know what he’s like when he’s angry, and I didn’t trust him anymore…. and I don’t want to be dragged into battle… I am asthmatic and hate to waste breath on arguments especially with high probability of futility…… (hate to confess on public blog but he pretty much raped me the last time we met… this is why i had to reveal as cause for my disappearance, only the secondary reason)


He asked, “What do you think of polyamory?”

I didn’t have a strong opinion because when I first heard about it, I decided I’ll deal with it when such an opportunity in real life presents itself. And because oversheltered innocent hearts tend to project their well-meaning nature upon the world, I had the unspoken assumption that anyone who would invite me would be decent enough to graciously accept my hesitation or polite refusal. They may even nicely, honestly explain the process, with complete respect for my free will. After all, if I was in their shoes, that’s what I would do. I am not a pushy person, and I love giving people their right to claim their needs. To me, that is what normal people do.

He immediately gave me a diagnosis. “Your story is monogamy. You’re too jealous, I don’t think you’ll survive with polyamory.”

He would know because he was my first boyfriend, from seven years ago. We broke up because I had been breaking down out of insecurity — my mother disapproved of him on grounds that he claimed he was divorced but is most probably lying, and if he had the gall to show up at family dinner and commit a freudian slip that betrayed his real status, he was most likely a pathological liar. She constantly advised that I break up with him, and he couldn’t do anything to cancel out the pressure… I believed him rather than my mother, as I was in my rebellious stage, and thought my mother crazy, being cold and paranoid, and having abused me several times before.

He and I broke up after six months. 

Fast forward, to February of this year. We reconnected. But I would bolt after only three weeks. Somehow I had developed a psychosomatic reaction, which would alleviate itself as soon as I imagined myself single, with no commitment to him. And I did because he was getting to be demanding.

To cut the story short (it’s 4am), I believe he had an agenda from the start, to get me involved in a triangle.

I did not like it because, he had implied that he was single, “Cool, clean slate for both of us.” …but I guess he was lying by omission? Or I made an erroneous inference. Either way I was misled from the start. So right now I feel the whole thing is null.

So for three weeks he had been trying to get me to join him. I didn’t decline right away because I didn’t know my relationship priorities yet: thought I was curious about polyamory, and I wasn’t sure what was great about monogamy. I preferred spontaneity and adventure over stability. At least that’s what I thought.

Yet, I was feeling sick. Bladder issues: herbalist Djehuty wrote in his blog, that it most likely had to do with anger. Repressed anger. From further Googling, I found out cystitis points to masochism or issues with men…

Why would I be mad, even though I was happy to see him? Because on the first day, I saw a hairpin, and I freaked out, and he just said without flinching, that his roommate is a lesbian, that’s all, nothing to worry about. They live in separate rooms, etc. And she’s lesbian. (“Maybe she’ll like you.”)

Second time we met was when he asked. What do I think of polyamory. I had virtually no idea, I’m not judgmental, lesbians are people, bisexuals are people, they can do what they want, etc.

A gift on the third meeting, a leather bangle with heart stitch. But he added, “leather, because your heart is impenetrable.”

He mistakes a still temperament with impenetrable heart. 

Anyway. As his sweetness seemed to fluctuate. And he claimed he had to “WORK” at night. And then, even though he had earlier agreed to not push the topic of polyamory on me, he was now pressing for a decision.

“Sweetheart, I need you to do a favor for me. Will you drop your ego and be open to my suggestion, will you do that for me?”

Wow. “Drop your ego,” and “do that for me,” in the same sentence.

And inordinate amount of anger as soon as he read my original thoughts on polyamory: “Not all who claim to be polyamorist is legitimate. They could be triangulators, psychologically lazy codependents, patriarchal harem mentality… A self-proclaimed ‘polyamorist’ who relies on infatuation or sexual attraction as their main basis for relationship decision will not be taken seriously. I am sure that there are polyamorists who know better, and given the narcissism-inducing conditions of modern-day society, I imagine that a truly loving poly-AMOR-ist is very rare.”

Somehow he lost his cool… of course, withdrawing affection… drama… yawn… That whole week was tumultuous. I was suffering from bladder discomfort and he was giving me additional problems. Geez. What a gentleman. Want a future with that guy?

It all culminated in that Saturday… I had already decided to end it after he said he “got her involved”… there is much from the past week that I hadn’t relayed here. To put it simply, I ended up fearing for my future. To be committed to a man with anger issues?… AND his “lesbian” girlfriend or “business partner”?…….

Intuitive impressions tell me, money is involved here. He is building a museum. I hope he can afford it without me. I’m glad I’m poor and lost… he’d be trying to kiss my ass if I was rich… he said he is with her because she’s good with business and money. (Apparently, I’m not.)

There may have been an occult layer as well. Astral sexual harvesting. Using sexual energy to fuel the manifestation of his project. The more people involved, the more powerful the ritual. He may or may not consciously know it, but his astral self sure was preying on me. I had to do the Salvage Rite of Reclamation (akin to Catholics’ prayer of deliverance) to remove the psychic cords — I was experiencing bladder discomfort whenever he thought of me. Sounds ludicrous, but it is no joke. The psychosomatic illness was from a psychic intrusion.  I felt no trace of it after the Salvage Rite, and my happy disposition progressively returned.

Anyway my response below. By this time I had understood why I prefer monogamy.

He was a “shallow” lover, from my optic. Cannot go deep enough. I’m not saying ALL polyamorists are shallow and seek only variety. I don’t think he’s a true polyamorist. I think he’s a triangulator. I don’t think you PLAN real polyamorist events. Why not? Love is free, love is freedom. Why define boundaries?

P.S. a loving person, monogamous or polyamorous, would care if you were upset. And if you said no, they would take it as no. A psycho on the other hand, will rape you in every sense of the word.


“Cowardous,” wonder where he got that word. 

Anyway, monogamy is for those who understand the value of Shared Telos — the wider in scope of beneficents, the more socially transformative, the more transcendent, the more enduring it will be…


Honestly, I dont sense good vibes from that last one. So I feel no cosmic obligation to respond.. I’m busy trying to build a better life, hey.

From Memory:

Me: “Why are you hurrying?”

Him: “Don’t question me! Who are you to question me? What have you done?”

I should post more of the ridiculous dialogues as I recall them.